Black Holes and Birthdays

 

Black hole illustration courtesy of Brookhaven National Laboratory.

My youngest turned 18 this past weekend. Yikes!

Christina’s milestone birthday jolted me. How can my baby be 18 when she was born only yesterday? There’s a problem with the time/space continuum. That’s the only explanation.

Not only that, my daughter Stephanie will be 25 in April, and my son, Joey, will hit the big 3-0 in March. Whaaat?

So now I’m certain the time/space continuum anomaly isn’t operating alone.  There’s also a black hole out there gulping entire decades in the flash of a hummingbird's wing. What is happening to the universe?

The real irony is that even if a method existed to induce that old black hole to regurgitate the time it’s stolen, I wouldn’t do it—and not just because that sounds really icky. I’m so in love with my kids the way they are today, right this minute, that no matter how wonderful they were way back when, it isn’t worth the risk of losing what exists right now.  ‘Cause right now is terrific.

I admit to missing the tromping about of little feet. I miss the sticky kisses and the sweaty hugs, the munchkin voices and the silly games and songs. But, oh . . . what I have today!

Long conversations about life and love and dreams; about taxes and gas prices and college tuition; the weather, good books, spear fishing, and the pros and cons of tattoos. The hugs are frequent but not sweaty; the kisses are still spontaneous and sweet, but no longer sticky.  I continue to laugh at the things my kids say, but now it is because of their sparkling wit rather than their misinterpretation of circumstances.

A pretty sweet deal, and one over which I’d do well not to quibble.

So the time/space continuum and its voracious companion, the black hole, continue to feast on days and years. That’s okay. While they’re digesting the past, I’m engaged in a banquet, feasting on the here and now.  And it tastes delicious.

See you next for Book Blurb Friday!

Lisa

An Open Letter to My Kids

Happy Mother's Day!

The following is a column I wrote for the Atlanta-Journal Constitution that was published Mother's Day 2008. Since it is as relevant for me now as it was on its publication date, I thought I'd share it with you. Wishing everyone a blessed and peaceful Mother's Day!

Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The (GA)
May 11, 2008
Section: Gwinnett News
Edition: Main; The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Page: J5

MY VIEW: Dear beloved offspring: You all turned out to be incredible
Happy Mother's Day to me!
   LISA RICARD CLARO

For the Journal-Constitution

This Mother's Day, instead of waiting around for the requisite phone calls and flowers, I decided to write a letter to you, my darling offspring.

First, let me say that I would not trade you for anything. Each one of you has brought a joy and a light into my life that I can't imagine living without.

You are unique individuals, and your lives have already touched the lives of others. I have seen the positive impact you make, and while I am proud of you, I take no acclaim for your accomplishments.

A very wise woman once told me that parents accept more credit for their children's successes -- and failures -- than they have a right to. That wise woman was your Grammy, and when it came to being a mother, she was an expert.

So based on her advice, I will not take credit for your successes, nor blame myself for your failures. I will do what my own Mama did. I will stand by you no matter what. I will cheer you on, offer advice when you ask (and try to keep quiet when you don't), applaud when you succeed and help you see the lessons in failure. I will be here for the good and the bad, the glorious and the sad. Always.

You did not come with instructions. I have long believed that each baby should pop into the world with a waterproof bag duct-taped to his or her behind, and it should contain a "How To" document. Each of you has responded to different types of discipline; you have individual preferences for everything from food to receiving and showing affection; you are different in the ways in which you developed, and in the ways you choose to communicate. How can three children born of the same two parents be so different?

Oh, yeah. A set of instructions would have been a real treat. Still, we made out just fine. Even without the "Raising Kids for Dummies" reference manual, you turned out to be incredible human beings. I guess it just goes to show that God knows what He's doing, even if your parents don't.

Also on this Mother's Day, I need to thank you for all the things you have taught me along this journey we share. Here are the top five:

1. My mistakes are not your mistakes. Just because I made a poor choice when I was 14, or 21, or 26, does not mean that you will make the same poor choice. You don't have to repeat mine. You will make plenty of your own.

2. You know yourself better than I do. I may know you second best, but you know yourself and what makes you comfortable, and I need to respect that. Bear with me while I practice backing off.

3. You do not view everything the same way I do. Just because you grew up in my house under my tutelage does not make you a mini-me. Bear with me while I practice backing off.

4. I do not always understand your decisions, but I do try to respect them. It may not seem like it to you, but I promise, I really do try. It isn't always easy. Bear with me while I practice backing off. (Do you sense a trend?)

5. The path I think is the safest and the best may not be the one you choose. You have your own reasons, preferences and needs that do not always fit into the slot I want them to. I get that. It has taken years, but I really do get that.

I could go on and on. The three of you have taught me more than I could have learned anywhere. We've had our ups and downs. We have been through some rough times, and a kajillion-billion happy ones.

That is life. That is love. That is what we have been blessed to share. The light just keeps getting brighter.

Thank you for giving me a reason to celebrate. I love being a mother, and one thing is certain -- I couldn't have done it without you!

Happy Mother's Day to me!

(copyright 2008 Lisa Ricard Claro for The Atlanta-Journal Constitution)

One Happy Mama!

My son, Joey, lives in Florida.  He is 7-9 hours away, depending on who is behind the wheel (7 for him, 9 for us old baggers). Close enough for a long weekend visit, too far for a day trip.  The consequence is that we enjoy his company only a handful of times a year, and only for a few days at a time.

This weekend was one of those handfuls. I'll call it a bouquet of offspring instead, because another benefit of Joey's visits is family time.  Having all three of my offspring in the same place at the same time doesn't happen very often these days, so when it does I'm one happy mama.  I've been grinning all weekend!

Last evening, after a wonderful day spent boating, tubing and swimming at the lake, we ate dinner at our favorite family restaurant.  We have been dining there as a unit for almost two decades. If the place ever closes down I'll need therapy and psychotropic drugs to cope with the loss. The above photo was taken last night as we left the restaurant.

Joey headed back to Florida this morning, and I performed the mommy ritual of fighting back tears while waving goodbye and trying not to make him feel guilty for growing up and flying away. Why should I be unhappy, after all, when he has successfully accomplished that for which his dad and I prepared him?

I've been sitting here thinking about the weekend and how blessed we were to have our kids together, laughing and teasing and having fun; how blessed we are just to have our kids.

Gotta tell you, buttercup, I'm one happy mama!

Til next time -
Lisa