"Spatter Don't Matter"

As if life isn't complicated enough, I'm juggling the reading of four books simultaneously.  I pondered slapping the "multitasking" label on this effort, but it would be a big, fat lie.  Mostly the problem is that middle-age dropped a hormone bomb smack in the center of my attention span.  My focus is so kaboomed that CSI would have to invent new technology to analyze the spatter.

Although I'm on my second read of Write in Style by Bobbie Christmas, I took the blog recommendation of my writing Yoda, Cathy C. Hall, and hightailed it to the library to borrow Mike Sacks' And Here's the Kicker, a book on humor writing because, hey, I'll take all the help I can get. While at the library, I nabbed J.D. Robb's latest, Fantasy in Death, because J.D. Robb is really Nora Roberts and who doesn't love Nora?  (Also, there is Roarke, the hunky hubby of the the In Death series' protagonist, Eve Dallas.)

At the drugstore a few hours later I spotted Janet Evanovitch's newest Stephanie Plum escapade, Fearless Fourteen, and it was on sale, y'all.  I picked up the hardback for $5.99! Woo-hoo!

Which of these wondrous books should I read first? How to choose?  I feel like a Labrador Retriever in a field full of tennis balls!  Which is to say, buttercup, that if I had a tail it would be wagging. My only potential problem is that whole attention-span-spatter thingy I mentioned earlier, a condition likely to send me hopping from book to book with eager disregard for organization and order.

You know what? The "spatter don't matter", 'cause I've got books, y'all! Books!

Lovely, lovely books!

Lisa

Photo courtesy of dreamstime.com.

Man, oh, Man, oh Manny!

Manny, my personal Memory Vortex is up to his old tricks again.  

You may remember Manny from a few posts back.  He is the black hole in my brain that steals pertinent information from my conscious mind and replaces it with useless information or, on especially bad days, nothing at all.  I've been working on improving my recall, but it is tough to remember something I didn't know I forgot. 

Here's the scoop.  Last Friday I enjoyed a delightful lunch with three of my writer gal pals.  In the course of our conversation we talked about photos of authors on the jacket covers of books.  We chuckled about the serious faces that often stare back at us from those pictures.  I commented that when my turn rolls around (see what an optimist I am?) I want my book jacket pic to be a happy, candid shot, just like one of my favorite authors. . .and here is where Manny grabbed his straw and slurped the author's name right out my head!

I drove myself nuts working to remember her name.  Nada. Nil. Zilch. Zippo. See what I mean? I can remember useless synonyms for "nothing" but not the name of one of my favorite authors.  Damn that Manny!

After hours of fruitless effort and complete lack of recall I visited my own blog to scan the list of my faves on the side bar, and there I found her!  Elizabeth Adler, author extraordinaire with the the great cover jacket photo.  Click the link to her website and you'll see the photo.  She looks like someone who would be fun to party with, and after you read her books you'll be hooked, too; honest.

Thank goodness I'm past the visit from Manny, though I know he's still lurking about waiting to rob me of informational tidbits stored in my brain.  One of these days I'll outsmart that scoundrel.

Ever the optimist -
Lisa

Image courtesy of dreamstime.com.

Yes, We Have No Bananas!

Every Wednesday afternoon, rain or shine, we traipse to the market with our grocery list in hand.  Yesterday was no exception.

I never shop without a list for two reasons.  First, because shopping without a list results in an inevitable second trip to the store to pick up the item overlooked the first time around.  Second, a list prevents overbuying.  Our steadfast rule is that if an item is not on the list it better not end up in the cart. 

When my husband goes grocery shopping with Papa their conversation sounds like this:

Papa:  "Do you need more bananas?"
Joe:  "It isn't on the list."
Papa:  "Huh. I could have sworn Lisa said you were out of bananas."
Joe:  "It isn't on the list."
Papa:  "Well, okay, but if you need them. . ."
Joe:  "It isn't on the list."

That mantra gets my hubby through the grocery store in record time.  The list is his blueprint and he strays not a whit.  This drives Papa crazy because Papa believes that if there is a 0.005% chance you might be out of something you should buy it, and two extra besides.

When I grocery shop, I stick to the list, too; but since I am the Writer of the List I am allowed to take liberties.  That is to say I hide in the produce department behind the watermelon display and scribble extras onto the list when no one is looking. In this manner items such as Peanut M&Ms and nacho cheese dip make their way home with as much validity as chicken breasts and asparagus.  

Joe:  "Hey, that stuff wasn't on the list."
Me:  "Of course it was. Would I buy it if it wasn't on the list?"
Joe:  "I don't remember seeing that stuff on the list."
Me:  "Clearly, it was on the list."
Joe:  "Was it on the list before you left the house?"
Me:  "You look hungry.  Peaked, even. Want a banana?"
Joe:  "We don't have any bananas. They weren't on the list."
Papa: "Someone need a banana?"
Joe:  "It wasn't on the list."
Papa:  "No problem!  I've got extra!"

Well, Wednesday is over so we're free of grocery shopping for a whole week.  I must start a list, though, because--oh, c'mon, you know I have to say it--yes, we have no bananas!

Til next time -
Lisa

Photo courtesy of Dreamstime.

What's in Your Bag? Curious Cat Wants to Know...

Greetings! It is I, Tabby, gifting you with my blog presence.  Please, don't thank me.

I've slept my desired 18 hours and am ready to fluff my fur and get to work.  I'll take a moment to ask my question on behalf of SCRATCH (Smart Cats Rebel Against Totally Crazy Humans), after which I shall meander to the kitchen for a snack and then make my way to the basement to visit the little kitties' box.  At the conclusion of my box visit--*yawn*--I will locate a suitable lap into which I shall nestle for a power nap.  So you see, I have the next half hour well-mapped and it is, therefore, no trouble to bless you with my musings.

Please spare a moment from your human life to offer your opinion and insight on the following: 

I have snooped...er, investigated...my pet's bag (she calls it a purse) and discovered a wallet and keys. Ho-hum. She also carries a measuring tape, among other oddities.  What is the oddest item in your bag, and why do you carry it with you?

As always, thank you for assisting  in my quest for world domination. I'm off to complete my agenda, but perhaps after my lap nap I'll call a meeting of SCRATCH to discuss my rise to power.  Or maybe I'll go back to sleep.

Meow,
Tabby

Ode to April 15th

'Tis April 15th and your money

Must go to the IRS, honey;

And it really sucks

To send all your bucks

To guys who think audits are funny!

But April 15th, like all days

Will wither and then fade away.

Your money will be

Just a fond memory

Thanks to the taxes you pay!

So raise up your glass for a toast,

Since the IRS deems you its host.

Then thank the good Lord

If you still can afford

Boone's Farm with your next Sunday roast!

Still laughing - 

Lisa

Clip art courtesy of hasslefreeclipart.com.

Nightmare on Elmeow Street: Curious Cat Wants to Know...

To prove my fondness for canines, I asked my pet to post the photo on the left of me with Penny, one of the pups with whom I coexist. She is a cute little thing, isn't she? A bit kibble-brained but, to be fair, that is part of her considerable charm.

My other canine companion, Rigby, pictured on the right, is...ah, me-ow, I must admit, quite brilliant, in spite of his clownish mugging for the camera.  He is a thinker, and quite the challenging housemate. He is the founder of FETCH (Finding Earth's True Canine Heroes), an organization devoted to the canonization of faithful dogs. He is angling for his own reality show.

There, now, see? I like dogs. I just happen to think felines have more class.  We do not, after all, burp so loudly as to disturb our pets' rest, or create malodorous blasts of air from our nether regions.  Ah, well, I suppose it is simply a matter of one's preference...which segues nicely to my question of the week:

Imagine...you are alone in a secluded house in the woods.  Night arrives and with it a terrible thunder storm. The electricity fails and you descend with a flashlight to the dark cellar to inspect the fuse box. The door locks behind you, and you realize you are not alone. You will be trapped until morning, when a neighboring cat (oh, okay, fine...and a dog, too) hears your wails and runs for help.  With whom would you choose to be trapped and why? Please choose from the following:

a) Hannibal Lecter; b) Freddie Krueger; c) Lizzie Borden; d) The Joker; or e) Lady GaGa.

Consider your answers carefully.  Remember, I'm aiming for world domination here, so I need to know these things.

Meow,
Tabby

Sisters of Serendipity

ser-en-dip-i-ty: noun

The faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought after. 

Some time ago I crowed about "serendipity" with regard to a book I stumbled across at the library.  A great read, The Intelligencer by Leslie Silbert brought sheer delight. Well, Easter weekend gifted me with another serendipitous find, this time in the form of a friend.

The weekend promised to be entertaining since my 16-year-old daughter and I road-tripped to Virginia to visit my sister, Sophie, and her family.  We blasted our CDs, sang loud, and giggled our way through six hours on the road.  

Joining us for the weekend was my brother's beloved Meg, a lady I had yet to meet.  I knew she would be something special because she owns my big bro's heart and because our sis said, "She is the berries!", which is Sophie-speak for "super terrific".  Due to all of that I expected to like her.

 

So where does serendipity come in? Well, I went to Virginia expecting to make a new friend. Returning home with a brand new sister-of-the-heart was not even on my short list of things to do, but serendipity bloomed and her name is Meg. (If I'm honest, her name isn't Meg, it's Jerri, but our family is big on nicknames and hers is Meg, so dubbed in reference to something my mama once said.) 

 

Only rarely does the universe bring into our lives a person who fits our contours with seamless ease.  Truth be told, were my brother to lose his mind and move to Bora Bora to join a cult of dart-playing turtle worshipers, Meg would still be on my speed dial and Sophie would continue to beg for her sausage gravy and biscuits.  We're a new trio, Sophie, Meg and me--sisters of serendipity, unexpected but treasured.  I am so looking forward to strengthening this bond of friendship.

 

Ah, Miss Serendipity...I love it when she drops by!

 

Til next time,

Lisa 

 

Photos courtesy of stock.xchng.

Curious Cat Wants to Know...

Welcome to the first installment of Curious Cat Wants to Know.  I am, to the ignorant among you, a domestic short-haired house cat who sleeps eighteen hours a day and requires human interaction to complete my hairy happiness.  

In reality, I, Tabitha (aka Tabby), am an undercover operative for SCRATCH (Smart Cats Revolt Against Totally Crazy Humans).  While pretending to snooze I plot world domination.  In my downtime, I struggle for answers to questions that plague me, such as, "Why do humans find furballs repulsive?" and "If a dog barks in the woods and no one is there to hear him...who cares?"

In my quest for supremacy of the human race, I meowed for and received a space here on my pet's blog where I will pose my scintillating questions.  This is my first inquiry: 

Curious cat wants to know... 

If you could interview any famous movie/TV animal, which one would it be and why?  What single question would you most like to have answered?

Yes, I know that is more than one question, but I am a cat.  Counting is a chore I delegate to my minions.

Okay.  Now...participate, human.

Meow,
Tabby

Three Little Blurbs

First:  A giant "thank you!" to Kathy at Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy! She held a contest on her blog and my name came up a winner.  My prize(s) arrived yesterday--a cookbook, some cool handmade drawstring bags, and the fixings for homemade cookies, complete with a red spatula that matches my kitchen color scheme, proving that Kathy is not only talented and generous, but clairvoyant, as well.  Thanks again, Kathy!

Second:  As a writer I possess an insatiable curiosity regarding the details of every little thing (condensed: I'm nosy), so beginning next week I will post a "question of the day".  Some days it will be a goofy question, some days serious; my goal is to learn more about you, my blogging buddies, and to collect bits and bites of your insights and humor on various subjects.  Please check back on Monday morning for the first installment of "Curious Cat Wants to Know..."

Third:  VibrantNation.com is a site for "women of a certain age" and I qualify, which means I'm an old bagger...er...I mean, a mature lady.  The site is pretty cool, with ongoing chat about women's issues.  There is also an army of featured bloggers, the ranks of which your truly was invited to join.  The editor stumbled upon my blog while engaged in a web search of--are you ready for this?--chin hairs!  Why she searched this topic is anyone's guess, but search she did, and she found Writing in the Buff. (To read the post that piqued her interest go to my VN blog link.) Soon after, I received an invitation to have my blog re-published on VibrantNation, and since shameless self-promotion is not a problem for me, I've opted in. 

Last but not least:  This is a busy world, and y'all have lives and work that keep you hopping.  Thank you for reading my blog and commenting, either here or via email.  I appreciate you and the time you take to drop in here at Writing in the Buff.  Thanks!

Curious Cat and I will see you Monday!

Have a safe and blessed Easter weekend 
Lisa